Which Way Is Up?

I am in such a weird place right now, for some reasons that I can write down, and some that I can't.
I just don't know which way is up at the moment, my normal life seems to have been turned upside down. For one thing I don't have school. So my routine is off, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm getting ready for Kenya, but there aren't many things I can do. It's probably a good thing the people that are going are the one's coming with me. There are others that could've come, but that would've altered my life considerably.
I had James all day, and he made me smile all day. He is so cute and fun, even though he's not feeling well. He was so snotty and coughed so much this morning, but after our snuggle he was ready to go for the day.
I have been listening to music lately that is just killing me. So emo and sad. haha
I guess that's where I've been lately though, so it's fitting.
Maybe not sad, just contemplative. So many things to think about. Things that I didn't think I'd be contemplating, but here I am.
The cell phone and texting is one thing that sure has changed how we communicate. I don't know how I feel about it right now. I love that I can keep in touch with everyone, but while I'm gone and I can't, will I miss it? I think that maybe sometimes I will, but for the most part I will be so busy, and in a bit of shock quite often, so it will be ok.
I am worried about what I'll think about while I'm gone. I am also worried about what I'll feel, because I can't control how I feel. I can control what I do about it though. I just have to remind myself of that.
I feel so far removed from who I've been for the last few years, but I am more confident than before, so maybe I am more myself? I am just not sure. This is why people always say they don't want to relive their early 20s. 25 has proven to be a very interesting, life changing year. Maybe I am just growing up.